i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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