No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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