Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize