Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
