my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
