I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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