don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
