i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
