Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
