I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize