I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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