porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
