My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
