Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
