Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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