i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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