does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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