He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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