just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
