i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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