sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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