Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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