her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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