I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
