Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
