I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize