if you like me you must not know who I am
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
