He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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