I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
