I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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