Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
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i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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