New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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