...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
