we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
