One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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