I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
