so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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