I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
