Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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