I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
