I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
