Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
