You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
