is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
