What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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