That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
