He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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