I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
