remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
