girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize