I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
even my farts smell like vagina
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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