I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm at about main and main street
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize