before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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