alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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