You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
