So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
