She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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