I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
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you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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