I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
