what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have post one night stand depression
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