i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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