So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
