Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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