someone owes me an orgasm
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
