porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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