Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
