There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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