i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
