My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
