just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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