I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
