Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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