It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
