just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
